💬 Death is a Friend of Life

Replied to Death is a friend of life by jennymackness (Jenny Connected)
Iain McGilchrist’s stress on the importance of poetry, music and presence at a time of the death of someone you love, or indeed of anyone, resonated with me. I am fortunate to know at least two people who really understand this. As many testified at her death, my mother was unique. Had she not existed there would be a Betty-shaped hole in the Universe.
My sincere condolences Jenny. Sadly, death seems to be a topic of reflection at the moment.

Your post has me reflecting on the death of my mother. Although it maybe a part of life, I am not sure I was willing to accept death. I naively thought she would be around seemingly forever. I remember missing our last moment together:

My last real one to one chat happened when I was least expecting it. With my step dad out picking up my brother and sister from school, I had a few moments with my mum. All of the sudden the tone of the conversation changed from being chatty, talking about this and that, but nothing in particular, to being more serious. I am not sure if it was something that I said or whether it was something that mum was just waiting to say, but she learnt forward from the couch and told me that I was a great brother, an amazing son and a fantastic husband and that I should not listen to anyone who says otherwise. In my usual manner, I tried to dodge these compliments. Like my mum, I just don’t like being pumped up. However, it didn’t occur to my till much later that these were mum’s last meaningful words for me. Although we had a few more conversations, none of them were as deep as this moment.

I am not sure how I thought she would pass, but no-one and definitely no movie prepared me the change and transformation associated with cancer.

I find your mention of music interesting. My sister and I played Miley Cyrus’ The Climb over and over in our last night with my mother as she lay there slowing passing. I remember the track playing randomly on my phone in class one day. I had to check myself, let alone somehow explain why I had Miley Cyrus on my phone to a bunch of teens.

Thank you Jenny for sharing.


1 response on “💬 Death is a Friend of Life”

  1. Aaron, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings. This sentence that you wrote in the link you have shared – “Sometimes the helter skelter nature of life means that even though we are there, we are not always aware of those significant moments that occur around us each and every day” particularly resonates.

    I find myself, in these weeks after my mother’s death, wishing I had known what I know now, before she died.

    But I found Iain McGilchrist’s words helpful. He told us:

    Life and death are inseparable aspects of the same thing – we are living in a process.

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